Monday, September 21, 2009

Minus One


When I started this blog, four years ago (wha???) it was from a suggestion of my friend Ilaiy. I didn't know what to write about except that I had an odd li'l statistic in my life. I had 5 cats. Weird. Hard to admit sometimes and you just know that some people won't understand. Those that know us, though - and have been to our house, have always said that you could never tell we have five. You might actually only see three of the kitties so, I always wondered if we should just tell people we only have 3.

Now one is gone. Missing for 5 weeks now. My good friend, Lori, recently lost her sister to cancer and I can't imagine what she feels. Losing a cat is absolutely NOTHING compared to that. And I often feel down in the dumps and downright depressed about losing this measly cat.

I've posted fliers and ads and put fliers near mailboxes. (My husband, ever the law mindful man he is - - reminds me that it's illegal to put fliers in mailboxes so, I put them in the newspaper slot.) We check the pound - - the website and in person.

And the hardest part for me is the not knowing. If he's dead. (I have a feeling he is. It's just that I can't imagine him hearing my voice and not coming toward the sound.) If a grandma adopted him and is making him fatter than ever. I don't know. I just don't know. And I want to go around and scream for him at the top of my lungs but I guess decorum dictates that I just can't do that.

And the other, really hardest part is knowing that it is my fault. If I hadn't put him out...If I had kept him inside...If I hadn't tried so hard to keep him away from the couch he kept repeatedly peeing on...Maybe he wouldn't have gone so far.

He's gone and it's my fault.

And now when people see us at the store stocking up on cat litter and they ask: "How many cats DO you have????"

I hear my husband say: "Four."


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your kitty isn't with you. In college I lost my Smokey at our rental in the country and for days on end I would circle the biggest country miles calling and looking. Kitties are wonderful and more is better~ I am reading about Dewey (the library cat rescued in Spencer, IA) is really sweet, you'd love it. Take care ~Zia